photo credit: katerha

I’m Ready To Move On, But How Do You Get Over A Break-Up?

You are at the point where you are at your wit’s end, where you feel that it is time to get it together and finally move on, the point where you know you can no longer hold on for dear life. You are tired of suffering. You are tired of the sleepless nights, your mind constantly racing, and the anguish of heartbreak. You want all of this to be over with and are ready to reclaim your life.

That’s the turning point. That’s a great place to be.

Once you are at this turning point, you have to make a decision to actively seek to get over a break up. The answer to “How do you get over a breakup?” is that you have to take positive action.

Most times, we go about this the wrong way. We continue to call our ex, take lousy advice from people who have no idea what we are going through, and worst of all, we blame and beat ourselves up miserably. These are the WRONG kind of actions to take!

I want to enlighten you a bit about what you need to do to get over a breakup. I want you to know what you can do right now to get on track to get over your break up.

But first, I have to break down a HUGE LIE that’s been told to you. To get to a place of healing, you have to realize what this lie is and understand how the truth will empower you to get over a breakup.

The Biggest Lie Told About Your Break Up: Time Is Really Not On Your Side!

The most common advice given to people who are dealing with a break up is: “Time heals all wounds.” Everyone seems to think this how you get over a breakup.

Well, I going to tell you that I think this is by far the worst advice someone could ever give you!

Time heals all wounds is the biggest crock of bull I’ve ever heard. And guess what? You will probably get this advice ad nauseum when you are going through a breakup.

This saying is missing a huge requirement, which is ACTION. You must, must, must take action to completely get over a breakup. No action=no progress! That’s how it works. So, if you take action in that “time,” you will get over a breakup and move on with your life.  If you don’t, your time will be consumed with pain and bitterness.

We all know at least one person that suffered through a terrible breakup. The break up might have happened one year ago, even five, 10, or 30 years ago. And guess what? They are still not over that person. Sure, they might have “moved on” in the time since. They might have even gotten married. But, deep down, they still feel the pain of that heartbreak, and it has colored all of their experiences, especially concerning relationships, in a negative light. They didn’t take the right actions.

Heather Zabriskie

Don’t be that person.

Everyone suffering through a break up at one point wishes they could snap their fingers and fall out of love. It’s not that simple, but you can SNAP yourself onto the right path to get over a break up.

How Do You Get Over A Break Up With SNAP?

SNAP is designed to put you on the right path to healing and getting over a breakup. It’s about getting you to take small, doable actions that will give you the momentum to move past this breakup and move on with your life.

Breaking Down SNAP:

S= Shift Your Focus

Whatever you focus on becomes a big force in your life. If you are constantly focusing on your pain from the breakup, that is what your life will become, painful.

Don’t focus on your break up.  Instead choose to focus on what you want to happen, which is you finding your happiness and moving on with your life how ever that may be possible for you.  What I mean is that sometimes your happiness may not be found by getting back together with your ex. This may be a painful concept to digest. Why should you spend the rest of your life being unhappy with someone who is unhappy with you? You shouldn’t, so move on.

N= Navigate Your Emotional Turbulence

Whenever you go through a breakup, you are bound to deal with an onslaught of emotional residue from your relationship. Your emotions may gang up on you and have you more confused than ever. One minute you are extremely sad and depressed and the next moment you are angry as hell and want to beat the crap out of someone.

Your emotions may get the best of you if you do not know how to handle them. Start by acknowledging what you are feeling at the moment you feel it. Then, try to get to the root cause of that very emotion. Slowly peel back the layers of the emotion. Accept it and move forward.

If you are angry, for example, ask yourself: “Where is this anger coming from?” Is it coming from the way your relationship ended, or how your ex treated you in the relationship? Seek to find the source of your anger and then, allow yourself to really feel your anger. Don’t run from it or stuff it down because it will only make things worse. Afterwards, accept that you feel angry and redirect you emotions to a more positive one.

Learn how to deal with your emotions properly, or your emotions will deal with you.

A= Awareness of Your Actions

You need to become aware of your actions, especially the ones that inflict more pain. That is, constantly calling and texting your ex, looking at their Facebook page to see what they are up to and who they are seeing now.  Stop torturing yourself. You’re just prolonging your pain and making things worse for yourself.

I strongly advise that you apply the no contact rule. Leave your ex alone. Trust me, if they wanted to be with you, they would.

P=Patience for Progress

I want you to be very gentle with yourself during this process. And with that, I want you to be patient with your progress. We live in an instant gratification society. Everyone wants everything now, if not yesterday. I know, you want to be over your break up and heartbreak, however, when you rush yourself, there is a tendency to overlook truly taking care of yourself.

Evaluate your progress day by day. Congratulate yourself whenever you take a step in the right direction. But, don’t beat yourself up if you fall off track. Acknowledge that you’ve made a small misstep and get back on track. Everything positive act counts ten times more than any mistake that you may make.

Final Thoughts

How Do You Get Over A Break-Up? Take Continuous Positive Action!

I am thrilled that you are at your turning point concerning your break up.  If you are committed to taking positive actions and follow through with the intention to be happy again, you can emerge from this heartbreak more powerful than ever.

Believe it or not, this is a critical time to decide that you will rise to the challenge of getting over your break up. Take action now.

It’s now or never. I believe that you can do it!

~Here’s To Your Healing!

How do you get over a break up

photo credit: danisabella

Getting Over A Broken Heart Just Got A Little Bit Easier!

Everyone has a different philosophy on getting over a broken heart. Most people don’t realize they have more power literally in their hands right now.

What if I told you that there is a simple tool that is available to anyone right now that will help you move in the right direction with getting over a broken heart? I guarantee that this one tool will entirely change how you begin to heal after heartbreak.

Have you guessed what it is?

Well, it’s a journal!

That’s right. A journal is by far one of the simplest, yet powerful tools that you can use right now for getting over a broken heart.

You don’t have to have a formal journal. You can use a spiral-bound notebook, a legal writing pad, heck, even the back of a napkin. The point is that you use the best way to help you gather your thoughts and emotions on paper.

The Top Reasons Why A Journal Is A Great Tool For Getting Over A Broken Heart

1. Your journal is private and will not judge you.

The best thing about writing in a journal is that your thoughts and emotions remain private. You don’t have to show anyone your journal, and you don’t have to worry about your personal, intimate reflections being blasted around the world.

Also, with a journal, there are no judgments. This is not your high school English class. You can express yourself the way you feel like doing so, and no one can say anything about it. The last thing you want when getting over a broken heart is to be judged.

This process is for you alone, and nothing feels freer than knowing that you are able to express yourself without having to justify those emotions to anyone.

2. You can be honest with yourself.

If you want to end the misery of getting over a broken heart, you have to be willing to face your own truth honestly. There is no more significant way of doing so than journaling.

In your journal, you can knock the walls down. You don’t have to censor yourself. You can speak your truth no matter how scary it may feel. This will put you on the right path to getting over a broken heart.

Be brutally honest with yourself. Put everything you have in your journal, even the parts about yourself that feel scary. The results you receive will be well worth it.

3. You can keep track of the progress you make.

With a journal, you will have some way of keeping a record of your progress in the journey of getting over a broken heart.

You may not think that this is important. However, I assure you that it is.

I kept a journal while I was going through the healing process.  Sometimes it felt like I wasn’t making any progress at all. However, when I felt that way, I would look at some of my earlier entries and see the vast strides I had made. This allowed me to get through the toughest moments of my situation.

4. You can ask the difficult questions and get the answers you need.

The best part about getting over a broken heart is that it drives you deeper inside yourself. There is nothing more powerful than self-examination and exploration.

A journal gives you the power to ask yourself the most difficult questions and find the answers to those questions.

Now, these answers may not come instantly. Sometimes, you will have to ask the questions over and over again. The answers may come slowly from different insights that you put together.

And when the answers come, do not over analyze them. Take them for what they are, get the lesson, and move on.

In my experience, I always questioned why I couldn’t make my relationships work.  When I started to peel back the layers and examine each situation, I realized that the common denominator in all of my relationships was me.

What I found was that I didn’t realize my own worth and had expectations that my partner determine it for me.  I don’t think I could have come to that conclusion as quickly as I did if I didn’t use my journal.

Journaling is therapeutic and liberating. Journaling is effective, simple and the beauty is that you can get started right now.

Now that you know what this “magic” tool is, here is an exercise that you can do that you can do to get you started.

1. Clear out the mental clutter by free writing for 10 minutes. Let your pen hit the paper and start writing whatever you are thinking at this very moment. Don’t let up for 10 minutes. Just see where your thoughts may lead you.
2. Write a “Goodbye” letter to your ex. Write all the things you want to say, but haven’t got a chance. Curse, scream, say the nastiest things you can think of, the point is that you let it all out.
3. Scribble, doodle, or draw your emotions instead of writing. Journaling doesn’t have to be about words. You can even take pictures with your camera and paste them in your journal. You can fill in the blank pages however you see fit.
4. Write a song or poem about your experience in getting over a broken heart. You might find that you have a lot more creativity than you thought you had. You can pull inspiration from various sources and create a story about your heartbreak. It’s all up to you.

These are just suggestions. There are no guidelines or rules. Don’t seek perfection; just do what feels right for you. You can’t get it wrong. Getting over a broken heart is hard enough, so writing in your journal should be as easy as breathing for you.

You can write in your journal as often as you like. You don’t have to schedule a time. Mornings may be best for some people, while others write better before going to bed. Journaling should not feel like a chore or something you “have to do.”  As long as you find some time to write at least once a week to receive the full benefits.

Dariusz Sankowski

Final Thoughts

Getting over a broken heart may be difficult, but a journal can help lighten your load.

Journaling is a cathartic method that gives you your power back. It allows your voice to be heard because you can express your feelings, inner thoughts and opinions instead of bottling them up.  You can sort out this information and take actions that you may not have realized were available to you before.

Embrace this simple instrument. Don’t underestimate its power and don’t feel intimidated.  You may find that getting over a broken heart is actually easier than you think with the aid of a journal.

Whenever you are ready for other valuable ways to use your journal in your heartbreak healing journey, please check out our free ebook The Power Shift. This short ebook contains some exercises that you can do in your journal to help you regain your personal power.

After you use your journal for a while, come back here and share any insights you have.  I can’t wait to hear them and cheer you on!

~Here’s To Your Healing!

Getting over a broken heart

photo credit: andyversus

Should Your Have Sex With Your Ex? Think Again!

Sex with your ex can be tricky, especially if you still have feelings for your ex and are trying to move on from them.  After a breakup, there is a period of time when you want to rekindle those intimate feelings you and your ex shared. You may think that having sex with your ex is not harmful to you and may help them feel closer to you again. You may be WRONG!

Sex With Your Ex Can Be Dangerous In Healing Heartbreak!

If you are trying to heal your broken heart, I would definitely reconsider having sex with your ex.  It will leave you powerless to them in the future and even help prolong your heartbreak.  Do you really want to continue giving your power over to your ex? I didn’t think so!

The Temptation That Leads You Down This Road

Having sex with your ex may seem like a natural thing to do. You are more comfortable with them.  There is a history there, so you feel uninhibited with them as opposed to having sex with someone new. The sex is a lot more gratifying because you already know how to please them and they know what it takes to satisfy you.

Sex With You Ex Increases Your Emotional Bond, Which Decreases Healing

When you have sex, you are emotionally bonded to that person for about 14 days. Sexual intimacy can strengthen an already established emotional bond. If you are trying to move on from your old relationship, why would you want to make the task even harder? That’s like walking through the desert and then deciding to carry a backpack with a 50 lb weight in it. Having sex with your ex makes breaking the emotional bond you share 10 times harder.

Sex With Your Ex Doesn’t Change The Problems

Some relationship problems have nothing to do with the bedroom. While having sex with your ex can be comforting and familiar, it doesn’t fix the problems you had that led to your break up. It might help you break the ice to recover your relationship, but it will only temporarily allow you to get back together. Sex may momentarily burry your problems. But, know that they will find a way to come back up, and you might break up again if you don’t know how to address the problems.

What If Your Ex Has Already Had Sex With Someone Else?

If you’ve been apart from your ex for a while, there’s a huge possibility that your ex has already had sex with someone else. You are potentially exposing yourself to STD’s. Be safe and protect yourself. You MUST use some form of contraceptive. No Glove, No Love!

Final Thoughts

If you do have sex with your ex, please consider the consequences of your actions.  Remember, sometimes (most times), sex is just sex. Don’t mistake having sex with any intentions of rekindling your relationship. Be on the same page as your ex when it comes to sex. Don’t be misled and don’t give them false hope of getting back with you if that’s not what you want.  Be smart about this before you give into temptation. Having sex with your ex may cause you a whole lot more pain than pleasure.

Interested in learning how to avoid giving into the temptation of having sex with your ex and regain your personal power?  You should check out our free ebook The Power Shift. It contains tips and exercises you can use to build up the strength to resist your ex and move on.

~Here’s to your healing!

Sex with your ex

photo credit: English106

Don’t Stalk Your Ex:Use The No Contact Rule

The NO CONTACT Rule is hard to keep up especially right after a break up. You are used to talking to your ex several times a day, and then suddenly, you are expected to cut off all contact. That’s just pure insanity! Never fear. There are a lot of things that you can do instead of stalking your ex through modern technology.

How To Get Started With The No Contact Rule Now!

Here is a simple list of five things that you can do right now or whenever you feel the urge to call your ex and beg them to come back:

1. Unlink Your Profiles And Delete All Contact Information

Literally, this can take all of 10 minutes to do but can be one of the most helpful things in kicking off the No Contact rule. Nothing says out of sight, out of mind like changing your relationship status on Facebook to single.

2. Call A Friend Or Family Member

Play catch up with a friend or family member the next time you are tempted to dial your ex up. Find out what’s going on in their lives for once. This will give you a chance to think about someone other than your ex, and your friend will think you are thoughtful and return the favor when you need it the most.

3. Workout  Or Take A Walk Without Your Cell Phone

Distraction! Distraction! Distraction! You are going to need all the distractions you can find when you are implementing the No Contact Rule in your life. Working out can be a darn good one because most times you will need full use of your hands and that means they can’t be clutched around your cell phone. Next time you feel like grabbing your phone and texting your ex, go for a walk and leave your cell phone behind.

4. Set Up A Special Silent Ringtone Or Block Your Ex’s Number From Coming In

You can change your ringtone for your ex if you don’t dare to completely delete them from your cell phone. Make their ringtone silent so that way when they call you, you will miss the call.

5. Relax

Turn off your phone and unplug your computer. Take the time to treat yourself with kindness and respect. Unwind as much as you possibly can. Use this time to focus on yourself and not on your ex. Take a bubble bath, read a book, or take a nap. Do something that you enjoy that doesn’t involve using any technology whatsoever.

Final Thoughts

The No Contact Rule Can Help You Heal Your Broken Heart

Most people struggle implementing the No CONTACT Rule after a break up because they don’t want to let go of their exes.  Some people would rather chop off an arm than go a day without communicating with their ex.  You must realize that if you truly want to heal your broken heart, you have to sever all ties with your ex right now. It may be painful at first, but in the long run, it will put you on the right path to moving on with your life.

Instead of cyberstalking your ex, you should use the extra time you now have working on regaining your personal power. You can get assistance with this with our free ebook The Power Shift. This guide will provide a distraction when you are at your weakest and help you get your power back and implement the No Contact Rule for a solid foundation in healing your broken heart.

~Here’s to your healing!

No Contact Rule