I Broke The No Contact Rule! Now What?

by Nina J Appleby

I Broke The No Contact Rule
Creative Commons License photo credit: shannon abigail simbulan.


“Nina, I Broke The No Contact Rule and I feel like a fool!”

My Friend called me up the other day.  I was able to talk her off of the ledge. I knew exactly how she felt and I knew she would need some insight and comforting because she was beating herself up badly.  But not that long ago, I was in the same position she’s in and I bet you’re there right now too. Don’t worry. You are not alone and I will share with you what I did when I broke the No Contact Rule.

I Broke The No Contact Rule Too! So What! (Please Don’t Judge Me!)

I’ve always prided myself for having strong will power. If I was on a diet, I was always able to say no to that chocolate cake after dinner. I mean, you are talking to the will power queen. But I found myself reaching for the phone and texting my ex every hour on the hour just to say “Hi” after we broke up. I could not control myself. I knew about the No Contact Rule. I knew I wasn’t supposed to call him, but I felt compelled to do so. I mean, I was used to calling the man first thing in the morning!

What I had to realize was that I was going to fail the No Contact Rule if every time I sent him a text I beat myself up. When you make a big deal about something small, it tends to take control of your life. I mean, whatever you resist will persist.


What I Did When I Broke The No Contact Rule For The 27th Time (No, Seriously, 27 times!)


The first thing I did was accept the fact that applying this rule was going to be hard. I also had to accept that just because I gave in at a moment of weakness did not make me a weak person. I was and still am a strong person. And so are you. I learned to gradually phase in the No Contact Rule.  I couldn’t go cold turkey and quit my habit of calling and texting him, but I could limit the amount of times I did it in one day. That allowed me to build my tolerance to just a few times a week. Then, one day I sent out my final text message and I was done for good.



Final Thoughts


I broke the No Contact Rule when I first applied it too and I was still able to get over my ex. Don’t beat yourself up if you break it. Be gentle with yourself. It takes time getting used to not hearing from someone you normally talk to a million times a day.  Figure out what works best for you and apply it. Gradually, you will become more and more independent from contacting your ex and one day you will wake up without feeling the need to call them ever again. I know because I’ve been there and I believe that you can get there too. I broke the no contact rule and I’m not ashamed to say I did!

~Here’s To Your Healing!


Nina Appleby is the author of Heal Heartbreak Now!, which is a 5 step program that allows you to move past the pain of heartbreak, find endless happiness within yourself, and experience Real Love .

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