I Broke The No Contact Rule! Now What?

by Nina J Appleby


I Broke The No Contact Rule
Creative Commons License photo credit: shannon abigail simbulan.

 

“Nina, I Broke The No Contact Rule and I feel like a fool!”

My Friend called me up the other day.  I was able to talk her off of the ledge. I knew exactly how she felt and I knew she would need some insight and comforting because she was beating herself up badly.  But not that long ago, I was in the same position she’s in and I bet you’re there right now too. Don’t worry. You are not alone and I will share with you what I did when I broke the No Contact Rule.

I Broke The No Contact Rule Too! So What! (Please Don’t Judge Me!)

I’ve always prided myself for having strong will power. If I was on a diet, I was always able to say no to that chocolate cake after dinner. I mean, you are talking to the will power queen. But I found myself reaching for the phone and texting my ex every hour on the hour just to say “Hi” after we broke up. I could not control myself. I knew about the No Contact Rule. I knew I wasn’t supposed to call him, but I felt compelled to do so. I mean, I was used to calling the man first thing in the morning!

What I had to realize was that I was going to fail the No Contact Rule if every time I sent him a text I beat myself up. When you make a big deal about something small, it tends to take control of your life. I mean, whatever you resist will persist.

 

What I Did When I Broke The No Contact Rule For The 27th Time (No, Seriously, 27 times!)

 

The first thing I did was accept the fact that applying this rule was going to be hard. I also had to accept that just because I gave in at a moment of weakness did not make me a weak person. I was and still am a strong person. And so are you. I learned to gradually phase in the No Contact Rule.  I couldn’t go cold turkey and quit my habit of calling and texting him, but I could limit the amount of times I did it in one day. That allowed me to build my tolerance to just a few times a week. Then, one day I sent out my final text message and I was done for good.

 

 

Final Thoughts

 

I broke the No Contact Rule when I first applied it too and I was still able to get over my ex. Don’t beat yourself up if you break it. Be gentle with yourself. It takes time getting used to not hearing from someone you normally talk to a million times a day.  Figure out what works best for you and apply it. Gradually, you will become more and more independent from contacting your ex and one day you will wake up without feeling the need to call them ever again. I know because I’ve been there and I believe that you can get there too. I broke the no contact rule and I’m not ashamed to say I did!

~Here’s To Your Healing!

About

Nina Appleby is the author of Heal Heartbreak Now!, which is a 5 step program that allows you to move past the pain of heartbreak, find endless happiness within yourself, and experience Real Love .

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

Eric October 6, 2011 at 12:48 pm

I have had a VERY hard time getting over my ex. She broke up with me, then went to date someone to get over me, kept me in the “friend zone”, got back together with me when I told her that I couldn’t be Just a FRIEND, then 3 months later, she breaks up AGAIN and immediately goes back to the guy she was seeing. This is soooo painful. The break up happened via eMail and also mentioned that she was going to completely disengage from me. I replied with an “ok, it hurts, but I accept it” email, waited a month and a half and tried emailing her to see if she would want to get together and talk, which was BAD IDEA#1. Then, when she shot that one down, telling me to reread her initial email, I wrote back trying to own my part in the relationship failure, which was probably bad idea#2. I am in pain wondering how scathing her reply will be; or, worse yet,if she don’t reply at all. I hate this no contact crap. We argued a lot, and much of it was about me raising the intensity level to a point that freaked her out. I want this relationship back. I screwed up and want to make right my wrongs.

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