The Turning Point: How Do You Get Over A Break Up?

by Nina J Appleby


How Do You Get Over A Break Up
Creative Commons License photo credit: katerha

I’m Ready To Move On, But How Do You Get Over A Break Up?

 

You are at the point where you are at your wit’s end, where you feel that it is time to get it together and finally move on, the point where you know you can no longer hold on for dear life. You are tired of suffering. You are tired of the sleepless nights, your mind constantly racing, and the anguish of heartbreak. You want all of this to be over with and are ready to reclaim your life.

That’s the turning point. That’s a great place to be.

Once you are at this turning point, you have to make a decision to actively seek to get over a break up. The answer to “How do you get over a break up?” is that you have to take positive action.

Most times, we go about this the wrong way. We continue to call our ex, take lousy advice from people who have no idea what we are going through, and worst of all, we blame and beat ourselves up miserably. These are the WRONG kind of actions to take!

I want to enlighten you a bit about what you need to do to get over a break up. I want you to know what you can do right now to get on track to get over your break up.

But first, I have to break down a HUGE LIE that’s been told to you. In order to get to a place of healing, you have to realize what this lie is and understand how the truth will empower you to get over a break up.

The Biggest Lie Told About Your Break Up: Time Is Really Not On Your Side!

The most common advice given to people who are dealing with a break up is: “Time heals all wounds.” Everyone seems to think this how you get over a break up.

Well, I going to tell you that I think this is by far the worst advice someone could ever give you!

Time heals all wounds is the biggest crock of bull I’ve ever heard. And guess what? You will probably get this advice ad nauseum when you are going through a break up.

This saying is missing a huge requirement, which is ACTION. You must, must, must, take action in order to completely get over a break up. No action=no progress! That’s how it works. So, if you take action in that “time”, you will get over a break up and move on with your life.  If you don’t, your time will be consumed with pain and bitterness.

We all know at least one person that suffered through a terrible break up. The break up might have happened one year ago, even five, 10, or 30 years ago. And guess what? They are still not over that person. Sure, they might have “moved on” in the time since. They might have even gotten married. But, deep down, they still feel the pain of that heartbreak and it has colored all of their experiences, especially concerning relationships, in a negative light. They didn’t take the right actions.

Don’t be that person.

Everyone suffering through a break up at one point wishes they could snap their fingers and fall out of love. It’s not that simple, but you can SNAP yourself onto the right path to get over a break up.

How Do You Get Over A Break Up With SNAP?

SNAP is designed to put you on the right path to healing and getting over a break up. It’s about getting you to take small, doable actions that will give you the momentum to move past this break up and move on with your life.

Breaking Down SNAP:

S= Shift Your Focus

Whatever you focus on becomes a big force in your life. If you are constantly focusing on your pain from the break up, that is what your life will become, painful.

Don’t focus on your break up.  Instead choose to focus on what you want to happen, which is you finding your happiness and moving on with your life, however that may be possible for you.  What I mean is that, sometimes your happiness may not be found by getting back together with your ex. This may be a painful concept to digest. Why should you spend the rest of your life being unhappy with someone who is unhappy with you? You shouldn’t, so move on.

N= Navigate Your Emotional Turbulence

 

Whenever you go through a break up, you are bound to deal with an onslaught of emotional residue from your relationship. Your emotions may gang up on you and have you more confused than ever. One minute you are extremely sad and depressed and the next minute you are angry as hell and want to beat the crap out of someone.

Your emotions may get the best of you if you do not know how to handle them. Start by acknowledging what you are feeling at the moment you feel it. Then, try to get to the root cause of that very emotion. Slowly peel back the layers of the emotion. Accept it and move forward.

If you are angry, for example, ask yourself: “Where is this anger coming from?” Is it coming from the way your relationship ended, or how your ex treated you in the relationship? Seek to find the source of your anger and then, allow yourself to really feel your anger. Don’t run from it or stuff it down because it will only make things worse. Afterwards, accept that you feel angry and redirect you emotions to a more positive one.

Learn how to deal with your emotions properly or your emotions will deal with you.


A= Awareness of Your Actions

You need to become aware of your actions, especially the ones that inflict more pain. That is, constantly calling and texting your ex, looking at their Facebook page to see what they are up to and who they are seeing now.  Stop torturing yourself. You’re just prolonging your pain and making things worse for yourself.

I strongly advise that you apply the no contact rule. Leave your ex alone. Trust me, if they wanted to be with you, they would.

P=Patience for Progress

I want you to be very gentle with yourself during this process. And with that, I want you to be patient with your progress. We live in an instant gratification society. Everyone wants everything now, if not yesterday. I know, you want to be over your break up and heartbreak, however, when you rush yourself, there is a tendency to overlook truly taking care of yourself.

Evaluate your progress day by day. Congratulate yourself whenever you take a step in the right direction. But, don’t beat yourself up if you fall off track. Acknowledge that you’ve made a small misstep and get back on track. Everything positive act counts ten times more than any mistake that you may make.

Final Thoughts

How Do You Get Over A Break Up? Take Continuous Positive Action!

I am very happy that you are at your turning point concerning your break up.  If you are committed to taking positive actions and follow through with the intention to be happy again, you can emerge from this heartbreak more powerful than ever.

Believe it or not, this is a critical time to decide that you will rise to the challenge of getting over your break up. Take action now.

It’s now or never. I believe that you can do it!

 

~Here’s To Your Healing!

How do you get over a break up

 

About

Nina Appleby is the author of Heal Heartbreak Now!, which is a 5 step program that allows you to move past the pain of heartbreak, find endless happiness within yourself, and experience Real Love .

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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Sandeep July 21, 2011 at 3:54 am

comprehensive 🙂

Waldo September 14, 2011 at 2:02 am

Hi,
Much as I hate pneumonic devices the ideas in the post really got me through a crisis and a turning-point evening tonight without doing something more damaging to my emotional state. I’m in a particularly difficult situation for me where my ex is now dating a friend (former) that I see regularly and will continue to see the two of them for at least the time-being. I’m a comedian and she’s with one of the other comics in town now and it’s been tearing me up for over a month. I’ve taken a hiatus from performing but if I want to continue to do what I love I have to deal with this. This article and your other posts were the first thing I’ve found that made sense to me and I want to thank you whole-heartedly for putting me on a better path. I know I’ll have dips where I still feel unhappy but I feel so much more ready to deal with those now that I’ve read something that made me feel better and resonated with me on an intellectual and emotionally competent level. I can’t thank you enough!

Zhyra Bonete October 19, 2011 at 3:48 am

Thanks for the great tips. We always break for how many times. But for a single sorry I always forgive him. And for almost two years I didn’t give enough time for myself and I think it’s time for me to move on.

masterdinz October 31, 2011 at 9:41 am

i like the SNAP idea. The first thing to get over a breakup is to think about ourselves and not about the ex. Focus on things that will make us happy and try not to think about the pain of the breakup. The more you think about it, more difficult to get over a breakup

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